Last year I wrote a blog post about 2019 being difficult and clearly I didn’t have the foresight to predict the shit storm that calls itself 2020. This year has proven to be a new Super Saiyan that can’t decide on its final form should be so it tries everything at once. With everything that’s been going on in the world, it feels almost self-indulgent to worry about anything that doesn’t involve the greater good. I hope it doesn’t come off as insensitive to rant about things don’t have much significance in the impending Apocalypse we seem to be approaching.
Serene Illustrations started off with a fiery ambition to promote my art and a hope to turn a side project into something more one day. As the years have gone by, those have followed me diligently (thank you with all my heart btw) have watched me start off as a wanna-be motivation speaker, then slowly whittle down into a pessimistic humbug who complains on her public blog annually about her life problems masked by “art issues” (waitwhat.wasitreallyallafascadeandacryhelp???jk.oramireally)
I’m going to be transparent here: despite the stagnation in my social media presence over the years, I’ve gained success with art orders this year. I feel immensely grateful for being scouted in the first place as someone worthy enough to paint people’s visions; and even more blessed for being able make income from an activity I love, especially when I know many people struggle to do the same. Despite the happiness I feel from creating for others to enjoy, doing art that isn’t my own just isn’t the same. Don’t get me wrong- dog paintings are cute and all, and I get some creative freedom here and there, but I find myself feeling stifled.
It makes sense that most people gravitate to the positivity and fun-loving content I put out in the beginning. I cared about how people consumed their content and was happy to create what I thought they expected from me. I was popping out rainbows and butterflies every other week. If I created anything dark or scary, my numbers would dip because it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. However, I’m at this point in my art journey where I’m thoroughly out of fucks to give and have been sharing art that I currently find enjoyable. I can see that 90% of the people following my page do NOT enjoy seeing my angsty sketches about my quarter life crisis on their newsfeed. Regardless of unpopular opinion, I’m content with the work I’m creating now; I’ve been drawing way more consistently and I’m learning a lot. Each drawing is like a diary without words and it’s scary sharing something so personal. I’m willingly allowing people to see this secret part of my brain, which I like to think takes courage.
I’ve settled on the idea that I should release my best effort into the world and hope it comes back to me one day. And even if it doesn’t, I should accept that I can only do so much and be okay with that. It’s a philosophy I’ve been trying to apply to more than one area in life. Let’s cross our fingers and hope I don’t come back in 2021 with another blog post telling you “guys, I f-ed up”. Thank you once again to those who care enough be curious about my journey. Your attention means a lot to me.