Let’s be frank: it’s been a cluster fuck of a year; emotionally and mentally (can’t say much for physically because I barely moved lol). There have been some wonderful moments that made me the happiest I’ve been in years and I won’t discount how fortunate I feel to experience them. There have also been some moments where I’ve felt that I’ve reached the butt cracks of an existential crisis, which I won’t dabble into the details, but this is how I like to visualize it:
Some higher power looks at my unperturbed year and decides to have some funsies by sprinkling a dash of crippling anxiety into the mix. He realizes he sprinkled too much so he just DUMPS THE REST because why not?! Fun, fun fun.
I haven’t been putting in the same effort into Serene Illustrations as I have the past and it’s apparent. I look at my declining spiral in numbers, engagement, orders, and have developed an unhealthy tendency to marinate in my disappointment for a little too long. Regardless of external factors, like algorithms, it’s ultimately my responsibility to maintain my momentum. Although I’m aware none of these performance measures actually matter because numbers don’t dictate the value of my work, my twitchy neurotic personality craves RESULTS and thrives on setting unrealistic expectations for myself WOOooooooOoo.
A fun coping mechanism I’ve developed is telling myself that I don’t care about the business anymore and that none of this matters anyway because there are other hobbies I’d rather focus on. But if I were to look introspectively, I know I cultivated this mindset from the desire to shield myself from admitting that this year has been a bit of a failure.
So what’s next?
When I reached a slump in prior posts, I typically ended it off coming out of my rut as a perky go-getter; concluding with a motivational moral-of-the-story that I’d take with me, firm on not letting excuses neglect my passion. As much as I’d like to ooze the same positivity, I don’t have an answer as to what’s next. I’ve come to realize that there’s nothing wrong with having low points, taking it slow and taking my time getting out of it
SO MY FRIENDS, realistically, I’m going to do my best to scrape myself off the pavement floor. Thank you to those who have followed my journey thus far.
-Until the next existential crisis,